(no subject)
Sep. 18th, 2010 09:09 pm[Filter: Private]
... I'm not sure what to do. I hadn't thought of it before, but this is important. If I get Jenny something really nice, she'll take it one way ... but if I don't try hard enough, she's going to get upset.
She's been sort of ... well, pushy, lately. It's not like she's been very subtle about her intentions, but I've never really said anything one way or another about what I'm thinking. I don't want to upset her, it's just ... well, I just don't know. Sometimes I think it would be fine. I'll go days without thinking about Emma, or Brian, or anything that happened there, and I really do like Jenny. I do! And then Emma will write something like that, and I can just tell she's upset and lonely and I can imagine how awful Brian is being, to make her sound like that, and I can't even think of Jenny all. Seeing her makes me feel like I'm ... betraying Emma, somehow! And it doesn't make any sense! Emma says she loves Brian, and I know she means it when she says it, but ...
Why can't I just stop thinking about it? That wouldn't end well for anyone. Not even for Emma and me. What would we do? Where would we go? I don't know if she'd leave Eblar, for me, and I can't leave Vernhail. Jenny's already practically said she'd leave with me, if I wanted ...
How am I supposed to answer that?
What am I supposed to do ...
... I'm not sure what to do. I hadn't thought of it before, but this is important. If I get Jenny something really nice, she'll take it one way ... but if I don't try hard enough, she's going to get upset.
She's been sort of ... well, pushy, lately. It's not like she's been very subtle about her intentions, but I've never really said anything one way or another about what I'm thinking. I don't want to upset her, it's just ... well, I just don't know. Sometimes I think it would be fine. I'll go days without thinking about Emma, or Brian, or anything that happened there, and I really do like Jenny. I do! And then Emma will write something like that, and I can just tell she's upset and lonely and I can imagine how awful Brian is being, to make her sound like that, and I can't even think of Jenny all. Seeing her makes me feel like I'm ... betraying Emma, somehow! And it doesn't make any sense! Emma says she loves Brian, and I know she means it when she says it, but ...
Why can't I just stop thinking about it? That wouldn't end well for anyone. Not even for Emma and me. What would we do? Where would we go? I don't know if she'd leave Eblar, for me, and I can't leave Vernhail. Jenny's already practically said she'd leave with me, if I wanted ...
How am I supposed to answer that?
What am I supposed to do ...