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Jun. 6th, 2010 07:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
boywhotrained[Filter: Private]
I keep thinking about it, and the more I think about it -- it's just not fair. How can she be lonely. If she's lonely, then it's Brian's fault, not mine. I couldn't have stayed, even if I wanted to. I swore oaths, and it's not just that ... this is what I always wanted to do. At least Brian is there, and he's never sent across the country to do the things his Lord needs done.
I can't say that to her, though. She'd just be upset ... she's already upset. But it would just make it worse.
I'm trying to understand, but I just don't. What I'm doing with Jenny isn't any worse than what she does with Brian. And I like Jenny. She's pretty, and she's funny, and she's a great cook, and she likes me, too ... and when I tell her I'll have to go back to Vernhail soon, she just laughs and says she knows, and we'll deal with that when the time comes. Emma always looked so sad ...
I wish I could do more for her. But I can't, at least not yet. Maybe not ever, and it's not fair to hurt Jenny for something that might not ever happen at all. She's already asking questions, and I can't even tell her what's wrong. I hate having to lie to everyone ...
This shouldn't be this complicated.
I keep thinking about it, and the more I think about it -- it's just not fair. How can she be lonely. If she's lonely, then it's Brian's fault, not mine. I couldn't have stayed, even if I wanted to. I swore oaths, and it's not just that ... this is what I always wanted to do. At least Brian is there, and he's never sent across the country to do the things his Lord needs done.
I can't say that to her, though. She'd just be upset ... she's already upset. But it would just make it worse.
I'm trying to understand, but I just don't. What I'm doing with Jenny isn't any worse than what she does with Brian. And I like Jenny. She's pretty, and she's funny, and she's a great cook, and she likes me, too ... and when I tell her I'll have to go back to Vernhail soon, she just laughs and says she knows, and we'll deal with that when the time comes. Emma always looked so sad ...
I wish I could do more for her. But I can't, at least not yet. Maybe not ever, and it's not fair to hurt Jenny for something that might not ever happen at all. She's already asking questions, and I can't even tell her what's wrong. I hate having to lie to everyone ...
This shouldn't be this complicated.
